On the internet you’ll find hundreds of articles with tips on “How to Survive the Holidays with your Family”. They list things like: make time for yourself, don’t talk politics, set boundaries, etc. All of those are good advice, especially in large gatherings with extended family. Yet, there’s one thing I always have to be mindful of during the holidays and that’s my mental health.
Every year, I envision the perfect Christmas like ones in Hallmark movies. I always picture the family getting together while building gingerbread houses or cuddling on the couch. The Grinch playing on TV, hot coco, spiked eggnog, and a cheese platter on the table. I picture the excitement of the extra stocking on Christmas morning while the smell of hot coffee fills the air. It’s always in hopes of recreating that feeling of Christmas magic that’s in every movie and christmas song.
The problem is, my household is currently all adults. Adults with their own lives and their own ways of appreciating the holidays. I tend to disappoint myself in trying to make them into something they’re not. I push them to change the channel from old Albanian concerts to a cheesy movie they’ve seen a million times. They’ll get bored and I’ll get upset they’re not enjoying it. Nobody has a good time. It gets to be unfair.
So what’s actually important?
I have to remind myself not to lose sight of what the holidays are really about. Time with loved ones. Whether that means sitting around an open fire, roasting chestnuts, or sitting around a TV watching Albanian Big Brother, the idea is still the same. It’s about spending quality time rather than forcing our family to fit the mold we’ve created in our heads.
I’ll save my ideas for when I do have kids of my own (until they get to the point of finding me cheesy and trying to retrain me, because life is an endless cycle that repeats itself through generations.) For now, I’ll work on going with the flow. At least for the sake of my mental health.
So what if all the serving plates aren’t all white? Who cares if all the presents aren’t wrapped the same or if nobody wants hot chocolate and to watch The Holiday? The details don’t matter. What matters is who you’re surrounded by.
Hope this helps put things into perspective. If only for your sanity, let go.
