When it comes to relationships, ups and downs are to be expected. With Jay and I having been together for 7 years, we’ve been through our fair share. Just as we’ve matured, so has our sense of how we handle arguments, but that doesn’t stop things from getting nasty. I think we can all related, but when you’re in the middle of a heated fight with your significant other, it can be hard to take a step back and think of that person as your mate and easy to think of them as an enemy.
To this day, I still describe Jay and I as two hard-headed bulls just going head to head – no one winning, but no one giving up. After a while, we felt like neither of us would budge and things weren’t getting anywhere. It felt as though things were getting swept under the rug and we’d end up walking on eggshells because nothing would get resolved and we were just holding this resentment. It wasn’t healthy and although the love was there when we weren’t arguing, when we were it was like it all just went away.
While watching The Haunting of Hill House (Season 1 Episode 8 around the 8:30 mark for those interested – also sort of SPOILERS) I heard something that just clicked in my head and has drastically changed the way we now handle disagreements.
The quote goes, “You fight with love. You’re on the same team, even in the middle of a fight. During the fight…you’re forgiven. There’s no fear. There’s no danger. You’re safe.”
Jay likes to say I’m a romantic. I fall in love with characters and their stories more than the actual show and it’s true. Leave it up to me to find a meaningful quote about love in a horror show. Yet to me, it was vastly underrated within the genius that was that show but it was absolutely beautiful to me and has stuck with me ever since.
With the fast pace of society and social media, it can be easy to let things go and move onto the next. Our relationship has taken a lot of work. We were two different people from two different backgrounds, two different mindsets, but we came together. We’ve worked day in and day out to make it last and we’ve created a beautiful life together. Even when things are hard, to me there is no other option but him. It’s not about finding a way out, it’s about creating a path for the both of you together.
When we get into a disagreement, it’s not me against Jay or Jay against me, it’s Jay and I against the problem. There’s no fear of the other one leaving. We both want the same thing. We both want to work things out for the betterment of our relationship.
Sometimes that means saying you’re sorry. It means acknowledging that you hurt the other person no matter what you were trying to accomplish. It means even if you don’t think you did something wrong – you might have to the other person and you say sorry. What good could you do if it hurt your partner?
Now we still have fights where things don’t get resolved and not everyday is perfect, but if you keep in mind that the both of you are on the same side, things will get better. They always do.
Be sure to follow us on Instagram at @RedinaLarosa. You’ll always find out first what we’re doing and you’ll be able to follow along with our adventures.
